Just because you have a kink for something doesn’t mean it’s magically okay? I mean in mainstream porn, real women are physically abused to their limit for the sake of entertainment and it’s passed off as some “hardcore fetish”. Women of colour are hypersexualised in media and are often reduced to harmful racist stereotypes that people play off as just “fantasies”. Even in BDSM culture, where there is apparently a HUGE call for consent, there is STILL an unsurprising but nonetheless horrible amount of misogyny. Kink communities are rife with men who want to reduce every woman as some submissive to them. Women who are Dominants are still harassed and degraded by men who see these women as a challenge to be overcome.
Kinks dont exist in some sort of void. Kinks are also a product of a fucked up society we live in that is infested with rape culture. Saying why a fetish is problematic isn’t for the sake of “shaming” and hurting anyone’s feelings, it’s to correct any real harmful behaviour. How can something be truly consensual if a lot of these ideals and fantasies are already forced upon us and have a hugely negative impact on people’s attitudes and experiences?
It’s not a bad thing to call this shit out. It would be the same god damn deal if you said something that was blatantly discriminatory. Just because it gets you hot doesn’t mean you get a free pass from responsibility. You can unlearn negative and discriminatory attitudes, and that includes harmful kinks. This “anything goes” bullshit means no one has any clear sense of boundaries and that’s why no one’s boundaries are being respected, which is one of the FIRST things about consent! Respecting boundaries!
"Kink shaming" someone would be if you had a weird but harmless fetish and you were being ridiculed severely for it. But if someone is actually telling you why your fetish is actually legitimately harmful to real life people, maybe it’s time you actually listen, lest you continue to fuel bigotry and abuse.